just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
