I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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