She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
