he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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