last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
