He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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