the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
