I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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