3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
