i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
