I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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