I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Please, let me fuck your mom
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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