you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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