Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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