I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
