we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There was a lot of him and a little penis
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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