He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Randomize
