When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
