Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
