I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
