I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm both gender and math confused
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
