how can u be prego again
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
