I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
