I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
