i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
