I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
