Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
