I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
