whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you had me at cake vodka
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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