New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
