I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
