thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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