It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
