If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
