Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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