this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
