Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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