youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
