I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
