no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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