I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
