I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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