There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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