it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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