It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
