dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
