Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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