I cannot find my penis.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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