Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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