You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
